A Local Non-Profit Publicly Celebrated the Man That Abused Me for Two Years

Earlier this week, a local non-profit whose mission statement shares their organization "creates a safe environment for homeless and at-risk youth to develop the life and job skills necessary for sustainable independence" posted on Facebook and Instagram highlighting the man that abused me for two years.

I married him at twenty years old. I made a lot of excuses for his abusive behavior, because his life story was deeply sad, and, frankly, because I too had experienced childhood abuse and had deep issues with my self esteem. For months, I gave in to his constant asking to have sexual contact with me after I repeatedly told him I wanted to wait for marriage. After we eloped, the abuse got worse. In July of 2023, at the climax of it all, he brutally raped me, had an affairs, stole my car, told me he was divorcing me, and spread rumors to our friends and family about me.

That week was so confusing. He kept becoming angry and then switching to remorseful, saying he wanted to fix things and then saying the sight of me made him want to kill himself. He told me he wanted to sleep in the park for some fresh air, but I knew he was going to cheat on me again. "I love you and I'll see you tomorrow," was the last thing he ever said to me.

That was July of 2023. Today, I'm in a stable, healthy, safe relationship with a wonderful person. I still struggle with daily panic attacks and nightmares, but I am in therapy and have been looking to the future. I have done so much work on myself and aim to share my experiences with those around me to inform them of the signs of abuse. I love advocating for those who have not yet found their voice, and I am honored to hear that I have helped even one person learn more about the realities of domestic violence.

Be cautious of what you read online…

A few days ago, I opened Facebook to scroll marketplace and was met with a post from this non-profit celebrating my abuser's apparent recent success as a story before asking for donations to their organization. I was filled with many emotions - fear, confusion, nausea - but mainly worry for those who may go on to support or befriend him.

Some comments on the post included: "He is and has always been a wonderful young man. Always kind and smiling. He is grateful for everything. I’m so proud of him!!" and "Congratulations [abuser]! You’re an inspiration!".

The non-profit replied, saying "Thank you for sharing that, [commenter]. You can feel [abuser]'s heart in everything he says and it means the world to know others see it too." and "He really is. [Abuser] is chasing what matters and we’re here for it. Thanks for celebrating with us, [commenter]!"

It is shocking and saddening to me to see the continuation of his manipulation. I want to believe he is doing better, but so much of his story on their social media post is blatantly untrue. He shared about having "nowhere to go" and "just a backpack to his name" while I remember sitting in our shared apartment, surrounded by more than 20 boxes of his belongings.

Eventually, back in July of 2023 after weeks of not hearing from him, my abuser's dad came to get his stuff out of our apartment. We went back and forth sharing stories, and I realized through that conversation that almost all of what my ex-husband had told me was a lie. I had no idea who this man was. I did not know who it was that was living in my house. It was horrifying.

His dad told me he had been diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder, but the family decided not to tell me because they thought he had been making real progress and din't want to ruin that for him. ASPD (formerly known as sociopathy) is characterized by "persistent pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others, often beginning in childhood or early adolescence", those diagnosed often engaging in "manipulative, deceitful, or aggressive behaviors without remorse" according to the MayoClinic. His lies continuing to this day, especially to an organization that aims to help people, is frightening and offensive.

Several women reached out to me wishing to share their experiences. His ex-girlfriend shared that he also sexually abused her and she currently has a case against him open now. He told me he molested his cousin when she was "too young to realize", so assumedly between the ages of one and four. I filed a temporary protection order after he left, but it was denied due to lack of evidence.

There is a disturbing pattern in our society where survivors who speak out are labeled as unstable, bitter, or angry, while abusers are framed as brave or redeemed for simply surviving the consequences of their own actions. I am scared of his retaliation. This is not about revenge (I would be too scared to pursue that even if any part of me wanted to). It’s about truth, safety, and protecting the public — especially for those who may read their post online and wrongly see him as a role model or someone to reach out to and involve themselves with. Justice isn’t always legal — it’s truth-telling.

This is someone currently being publicly celebrated as a ‘transformed success story', but behind the scenes, multiple women — myself included — have experienced manipulation, coercion, and abuse by this person.

I have no intention of attacking anyone, but I do believe in truth-telling — because I wish someone had warned me. This person is incredibly skilled at grooming people into believing he is a victim. But the trauma he caused is real and lasting.

Be cautious of what you read online. I want to share my story — for myself, for other survivors, and for anyone who has been manipulated into thinking abuse deserves applause.